Formula of Files

Searching for a pattern known,
I look at the numbers shown,
I know it exists with an exponential amount,
A formula of files that I try to count,
Groups within a descending array,
Mathematically ascending the opposite way,
It is a mere illusion with a simple pattern,
Binary numbers, will others count them?
A path to follow to arrive at the destination,
I probably created it for need of a vacation,
I tried to confuse to keep something safe,
To make it special in a hidden place,
So now I’ve tried to explain,
I feel this is all very simple & plain.

A Mistake

It’s really not a surprise,
You can see it in my eyes,
There is no one else to blame,
In my own world, all the same,
To approach me now would be a mistake,
Not much of a relationship to make,
I’ve brought this upon myself,
Emotional currency equals zero wealth,
I don’t trust who I am, & I don’t trust you,
No wonder this is what I’m going through,
This mental story will keep distance,
Keep me lonely for only an instance,
One thought away, toward a new direction,
I do have a choice & a form of selection.

Erratic Clutter

A normal vibe in the room tonight,
Making progress with the inertia I fight,
Talk it out, keep writing some words,
Eventually I’ll make it through the absurd,
Could I describe certain meaning like that?
It must be where my perspective is at,
At some point I have to let go,
Hopefully new things will show,
Cleaning out forms of erratic clutter,
Streams, sewers, rivers, & gutters,
Sort this out to find a means to relax,
Belief in myself & sticking to the facts,
Conclusion arrives, yet I’m not done,
When will this end, to again see the sun?

Focused Choice

Fine tuned temptations toward them,
Designed to break commandments of ten,
Heart beats per second; counted,
Funds deposited in the way amounted,
Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one,
With salvation through a victory won,
Defeated enemy, deception of a liar,
Scorching flames of eternal fire,
Bye for now, hello, & so it goes,
The eternal end of how a river flows,
Breaking into realms, pass by in walking,
Gossip, judgment, coveting, & talking,
Walking the path of what is before me,
Branches connect; symmetric roots of a tree.

Passive Approach

I try to resist what I fear the most,
Passive approach, heaven sent; not to boast,
All good & decisive, a taste of life to savor,
Fluent flavors of good & bad behavior,
Mentally, I have a penny, & that’s plenty,
No longer us; nothing between you & me,
Look around as gravity stills the ground,
Beats & rhythms helping the sound,
No news; good news; through & through,
Written for you & the pursued is now due,
Respect with delivery in all I see,
Only because this is the way I need to be,
Continuing to browse for what is mine,
Not necessarily egotistical with what I find.

Perspective of Problems

I’m lucky to be alive,
I’m blessed I haven’t yet died,
I’m thankful I’m not jailed,
I’m glad the harm against me failed,
There are some with a diagnosis,
Symptoms of the mind to know this,
Some are homeless, others are dead,
Yet I can write this to be read,
To celebrate how much I’ve overcome,
My life is not yet over or done,
Compassion, mockery, pain, or laughter,
Then arrives the calm with a storm after,
We all have problems to deal with,
Content of character pulls me through this.

Quick Glances

Waking hours & I pray for rest,
So much easier than breath after breath,
A scattered format of thoughts to offer,
Not knowing if I could trust her,
This doubt can only do its worst,
A blessing recognizes the end of a curse,
Expand throughout this guarded light,
Guiding, protecting, & taking flight,
Divinity within represents a tree & a book,
Recovering the quick glances of a look,
I tremble in this struggle to hold on,
To have faith there was a reason I was born,
Apologetic for me even being alive,
Acknowledge the inevitability that I will die.

The Day Begins

My eyes open, the day begins,
Looking back & laughing at my sins,
I am not what they think,
So, to get started, it’s coffee I’ll drink,
Magic realm to overwhelm the unknown,
What is before me is always shown,
A taste of the immortal now,
An essence within to be around,
Yet, to show respect, I’ll live,
To take the cause & affect of what I’ll give,
Possibilities, limitations, & situations,
What I truly want to be my creation,
The world, environment, with interaction,
I can feel content with a certain satisfaction.


Right now I just want to disappear,
Hide in the invisible from all I fear,
What I say to you & others,
What I say to sisters & brothers,
It doesn’t seem like it’s ever good enough,
Thoughts to haunt, which makes this tough,
I know who I am, so I shouldn’t believe,
Negativity causes only me to be deceived,
Sitting here calmly writing these words,
My mind is in a war over something absurd,
A panic attack, so I brace for the storm,
It may take a while to return to the norm,
Before I know it, things are good,
Thoughts disappear, in the way they should.

Sleepless Night

I wonder; I worry; I try my best,
Of what is enjoyment & not even a test,
Fatigue, then a deep breath, I’m okay,
Focused toward what I want to say,
It’s a story I’m telling my mind,
The thoughts that my reality finds,
It’s now, so I have this time,
To do my best to skillfully rhyme,
The time moves quickly, I enjoy what I do,
So much easier of a way to go through,
Options & selections, striving for perfection,
Knowing that I am following a direction,
An hour to go, just the current moment,
Deciding to support it, or condone it.